I believe in Angels. Why? Well without going into great detail, about 7 years ago I believe I saw one. For an accurate description it was a multi-coloured bright light, but because of how it made me feel when I looked at it, I knew it had to be an Angel. I was out of work and was at the point where I just couldn’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. I am a reasonably intelligent woman and I am lucky to possess a few ‘proven’ skills but still I couldn’t find work; work that would support my family as a single parent. I really felt that life had no purpose.
I was positive and happy by day but in the dark of night I would give in to my fears and let my tears fall. I would cry out for help in a whisper, even though I knew no-one was listening, or at least I thought no-one was listening. It was during one of these nights that I asked God to show me a sign to prove to me that life had a purpose. It was then that I saw this beautiful light, I couldn’t take my eyes off it. If I had the gift of not ever needing to sleep, I am sure I would still be laying in my bed now, staring at it. It was mesmerizing and gave me such a feeling of peace.
When I talk about the Angels many people politely acknowledge the conversation but it is clear that they think I am a little delusional. I am not offended by this in any way, as I understand why they would think that, as there are times when I question my belief in them. For those steadfast, unquestioning Angel believers out there, I am sure you are gasping at that statement. Wondering to yourselves, “how can someone not believe in their existence?” I understand that too, as we all have our reasons, our faith and our experiences that create our personal perspectives. But lately for me, my logical brain has questioned my undying faith in them as I feel so frustrated some days.
So why do I have moments of doubt? It’s fairly simple really, I need to make changes in my life and I just can’t see how to make it happen. I feel like a square peg in a round hole and for the 51 years that I have lived on this earth, I have felt this way most of the time. I know in my heart that I am not living my life’s purpose, I am not doing what I am meant to be doing on this earth to help others. I understand that over the last 50 years I have learned necessary lessons and skills to prepare me for what it is that I am destined to do. But I am not getting any younger and at times it seems that the changes I want to make are never going to happen.
I know all the rules about how our thoughts create our reality. I understand how a positive attitude and genuine gratitude bring to you more of the things in life that you appreciate. I know I am responsible for my life and that I need to take action and that love should be root of all that I do. I could go on and on with this list here, but I think you get the idea. I follow the ‘rules’ as I have come to understand them and enjoy working with the Angels, asking for signs and paying attention to the synchronicities. They do communicate with me and I feel them, but am I understanding them correctly? I feel like change is here, but still so untouchable.
I ask myself should I continue to put out to the Universe what I feel, what I need, what I want and then get out of my own way and allow the Angels to help. Or do I say, to hell with it! Make the radical changes, do what I really want to do and let the consequences fall as they may. My personality being such that it is, I could easily justify taking that road. But having done that not once, but twice in the past, and lost, you can see why I am reluctant to be bold and adventurous again. I assume these were lessons that I had to learn, but they were hard and very costly in many ways, not only for myself. Yes, I survived, but I would not willingly volunteer myself to go through that journey again, not without guarantees this time!
So you can see why I momentarily question my strong belief in, and love of, the Angels. I am so ready, excited and willing to get to work on something that I am passionate about. Something that fuels my soul, challenges my brain, requires me to learn more skills and help other people. I guess I am just feeling frustrated and getting impatient waiting for the right door(s) to open. I am glad that these feelings are only fleeting moments though. Loving and knowing that the Angels are here to help everyone on earth is actually very comforting.
Does this make any sense to anyone else?